“Lengthy jail time will only apply to petty thieves”, gov’t assures rouge bankers

The government is set to announce plans to build “a justice system which severely punishes petty thieves, while allowing criminals in suits and three-piece agbadas to benefit from institutionalised non-enforcement practices.”

Speaking at a press conference this morning, Gloria Akuffo assured rouge bankers that any investigation into fraudulent activity in the banking industry would continue to be such a long drawn-out process that Ghanaians would inevitably lose interest in the matter.

Defending the government’s plan, Miss Akuffo explained that “a petty thief who steals a tuber of yam is definitely more dangerous than a slick talking banker or a three-piece agbada-wearing Non Executive Director who misuses millions of state funds, bankrupts a bank and causes thousands to lose their jobs and life savings.”

The Attorney General is also expected to announce a new presidential initiative called “Stand With a Rouge Banker or NED” – which is a campaign to bring together Ghanaians who want to help cover up the crimes of privileged individuals.