Dear Charter House,
After Saturday’s shambolic all-nighter, I the Chief Letter Writer, couldn’t resist the temptation to send you yet another letter. While you subjected the good people of Ghana to six gruelling hours of television horror, I was on the beach with my bredda, the Chief Wordsmith, writing this letter.
Consider this as a piece of free professional advice from Ghana’s true music commandos. Pay heed to them and we will show up next year’s event. Otherwise, we will continue to disassociate ourselves from an event which repeats the same blunders year after year.
1. As a step towards handing over the organisation of the biggest event in the Ghanaian music industry into Ghanaian hands, we demand that Charter House changes its name to Sarktta House. Sarktta is not a movement, it’s a revolution.
2. Following from the first point; no more invites for a minister who fails to use her privileged position to promote made-in-Ghana products, especially when she is the Minister of Tourism! The honourable minister turned up on the red carpet preaching local tourism after she had shamelessly proclaimed that her dress was bought from Morocco. A more apt question would have been: ‘Where did you buy your brains?’
3. If we turn up at next year’s event, you can be certain that we will not be answering the ‘who are you wearing question?’ To borrow another honourable’s famous words, this is a ‘useless question.’ Your presenters can find a million and one other questions to ask.
4. Again, if we turn up on the red carpet next year, just make sure the presenter isn’t wearing a jacket made from a piece of his mother’s curtains.
5. While we’re still on the red carpet, let’s express our gratitude to the Fashion Police for foiling another sinister attacker by this fashion terrorist.
6. The Fashion Police are however searching for this individual who turned up in her InterCo gear.
7. Sellotape, A4 papers, irregular font sizes….You know what time it is? We thought we did but now we aren’t sure if this is 2015 or 1915. In all honesty, we’d rather stand on the red carpet all night than sit on these seats.
8. And what’s that stain on the seat? Has KKD been around that seat?
9. And why are these winning artistes coming on stage with an entourage larger than Joselyn’s hips?
10. Lastly please relay this to whom it may concern: Joselyn’s man please know that ‘megye wo girl.’
Till we come your way again same time next year,
Chief Letter Writer & Chief Wordsmith (together we are, Sarktta)