Gov’t airlifts Ablekuma land guards to secure Black Stars’ $3M cash

An elite group of Ablekuma land guards has been dispatched to secure the hotel of the Black Stars while the team takes on Portugal in today’s must-win Group G clash.

The group arrived in Brazil earlier this morning fully armed with machetes and AK-47s. The move to engage the services of these land guards became necessary after a very clever decision by the Ghanaian government not only to airlift $3 million in cash to Brazil, but to also make the news known to the public. The story has unsurprisingly made it’s way onto the international media scene, raising concerns that the team’s hotel will undoubtedly become a target for criminal gangs.

“We’ve shared the money and we all kissed the bundles of dollars like you see in music videos before we packed them in our Gucci and Louis Vuitton duffle bags. Our next concern was obviously not the game ahead but the safety of our cash, so we were happy the guards are here to protect that for us,” revealed one of the players.


Our source inside the Black Stars camp revealed that the team originally planned to leave John Boye behind to secure the $3 million but that idea was later dropped when government offered to send in the land guards. “After Boye smashed Clint Dempsey’s nose in the opening game with his spectacular Kung Fu kick, the players temporarily considered using Boye to secure the money while they play Portugal,” our source said.


Our reporter in Brazil reports that the local criminal leaders are treating the story of the $3 million cash as nothing but spoof. “We think the story of the $3 million being airlifted to the players is pure spoof. It may have come from The Onion news or some other similar source. No government will trumpet the news that it is transporting $3 million in cash. I don’t think they’re that naive, are they?” one gang leader retorted.

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