The YesiYesi Newspaper Review

Ghana’s finest police have improved their aim. They can’t manage rampaging Fulani herdsmen and their cattle so the IGP has confirmed that instead, his men and women who have responded well to the new all weather training– wearing heavy duty blue/black woollen ill fitting uniforms in tropical weather, will now be using innocent citizens as target practice. 2 shot dead in Mampong.

The IGP is lucky Ghana is not North Korea. Kim– reduced to the power of 3, who had his uncle and later the defence chief executed has also ordered the summary dispatch of the Chief of Staff. Kempong Travels will be advertising soon an all inclusive paid trip to Pyongyang for Afia Schwarzenegger, John Dumelo and Obinim. Kennedy Agyepong has 100 houses so he doesn’t need the freebie. He will catch a ride in Ibrahim Mahama’s PJ instead.

Chad’s President Idriss Derby has redefined the term ‘pre-ponement’. He will run for a fifth term and after he wins in April 2016, he will reinstate term limits that he ensured were scrapped in 2005 so that he can run for an additional term. President Derby has been squatting in state in the dusty country since his 1990 coup.

Someone please send a google map of Sudan’s foreign ministry to the UN and the US. Al Bashir’s government has summoned the charge d’affaires of the US embassy in Khartoum to answer questions over America’s drafting of a UN resolution that has added proceeds from gold mining to the sanctions list. If America’s man on the ground locates the dusty office he will be told off in no uncertain terms. It is bad enough that with the UN travel ban, the various Mrs. Bashirs who can’t travel to the US to shop directly anymore are using his credit cards in an online spree. And now this?!!! Clearly yet another imperialist attack on the sovereignty and pride of the great Sudan. Don’t you just miss Muammar Ghaddafi? Libya’s former living god would have swathed himself in robes, surrounded by nubile female body guards, stormed New York with a tent and responded to this onslaught against his brother African with a bombastic speech at the General Assembly. As it is, someone will have to wake Generalissimo Mugabe up from under his yomo moustache for him to issue a boom charge. He will be reading the script he used in the Lancaster Agreements negotiated with the British in the 1980’s. Same difference. Same words. Only African traitors and homosexuals will notice and call the difference.

African First Ladies are in Accra attending a conference on Sexual Health and Rights. Its the 7th time they are meeting. No word yet on if they have managed to assert their rights on agenda item 1. Getting their husbands to stay home. Think of the benefits to the health and stress of their staff if the first Gentleman would occasionally repair in chambers to consort with Madame instead of giving lessons on civic responsibility to nubile females. Ghana’s First Lady, Lordina Mahama is president of the group. She will next address a conference on the rights of healthy bleaching.