This is the Last Time says John

Addressing party faithfuls on the runway of the Kotoka International Airport on Friday, President Mahama expressed his hope that this round of talks with the IMF would be the last time that Ghana was turning to the organization for a bailout.

He stressed that the government will tighten its fiscal policies to avoid the financial indiscipline that has rendered Ghana an economic paraplegic. “This means a lot of changes,” a visibly excited President Mahama piped. “This means that this is the last time we will have ghosts chopping our money at the National Service Secretariat and phantom Angolans being paid to do a job that can be done by Google Maps,” he said to the roaring crowd.

“While we are on the topic, this is the last time that we will pay some singer $3,750 for ‘voluntary World Cup ambassadorial work’ when we can’t find money to pay our teachers.” he said.

President Mahama announced a series of historic ‘lasts’ in addition to the ones he mentioned above. According to him, this is the last time that he will put Elvis Afriyie-Ankrah in charge of anything and the last time that he will make any promises about ending ‘dumsor’ in the country. According to him, if Ghanaians can’t pray for rains to fill the Akosombo Dam then there is nothing he can do.

He also revealed that this is the last time his administration will pay $4,000 to house the head of CHRAJ, Lauretta Lamptey. “We will only pay $3,999.” He added that “this is also the last time that we will pay millions of dollars to my friends (cross out) some companies for non-existent guinea fowl farms – this is a crime when most Ghanaians would rather have chicken than akomfem.”

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