The YesiYesi Newspaper Review 

The Immigration Service, the Wildlife Service and the Ministry of Gender and Social Welfare would like a word with Bishop Daniel Obinim. The changeling who leads the International God’s Way Chapel has recently said he can turn into a white man (does he have a valid visa to be in Ghana?); a child (who is yo daddy?); a lion, a crocodile or a dove. The Accra zoo has said it will reopen immediately and feature one creature, Obinim. They will charge 3 gate fees per entrant since the creature can change into 3 animals. The Bishop has also said he can turn into a lunatic. And a tree. The Ankaful Psychiatric Hospital says they will wait until Obinim turns into a woman before they commit to admitting him.

Meanwhile the Department of Parks and Gardens has said they have not as yet sighted any bleached out tree and will apply themselves to spraying such with alata samina, as clearly said tree is diseased. And needs more bleaching agents. The Bishop’s ears and knuckles are still black, as God intended.

Microsoft is suing the National Communication Authority for damages. The NCA is claiming that it was in the transfer of votes from Excel to Microsoft Word that a ‘transpositional error’ occurred enabling Afriwave, a company bidding for the monopoly interconnect house license to apparently score higher marks than could possibly be allotted. Microsoft insists that rather, the ‘transpositional error’ a disease that has been known to afflict the Electoral Commission during elections, the National Health Insurance Scheme in its counting of beneficiaries, SADA (still counting the guinea fowls who migrated to Burkina), GYEEDA (still looking for Roland Agambire to refund monies paid for work not done), the Office of the President that cannot account for how many people it employs, in fact any government funded organisation as measured by the Auditor General’s reports, should be instead referred to as ‘the recurring Ketu conundrum’. The conundrum may reoccur in November 2016 when Ghana goes back to the polls.

The power distribution companies in Ghana have responded to the Microsoft assertion by introducing another term – Relief Reckoner. After over charging customers following the December 2015 tariff increase, the Electricity Company of Ghana and the Northern Electricity Distribution Company have missed the deadline issued by the regulator and the Government to refund monies owed to customers. Instead they have absolved themselves by publishing a metric in several newspapers that provides a free lesson in head scratching for any customer who wants to work out their new game.