Tag Archives: Brazil

Dzamefe Report recommends ‘Muntari slaps’ for all GFA and MoYS officials

Dzamefe Report recommends ‘Muntari slaps’ for all GFA and MoYS officials

Officials of the Ghana Football Association and the Minister of Youth and Sports who sanctioned the payment of $100, 000 to the Black Stars’ ball boy should be subjected to “Muntari slaps,” according to a recommendation by the Dzamefe Report. The commission’s 396-page report which outlines Ghana’s shambolic showing at the last World Cup in…

Larry Acheampong’s Angolan friend pleased with white paper on Dzamefe report

Larry Acheampong’s phantom Angolan friend who was paid some $20,000 for providing directions to a popular supermarket in Brazil during the last World Cup has reportedly welcomed the government’s white paper on the Dzamefe Commission Report with wild celebrations.  The phantom Angolan who is permanently resident inside Larry Acheampong’s head, said he was “pleased with government’s…

FBI requests Dzamefe report to help decode the co-efficient of FIFA bribe distribution 

Sources close to the investigations into corruption at FIFA have revealed that the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) has asked for a copy of the report by the Justice Dzamefe Commission in an effort to understand how the alleged bribes were distributed.  The Dzamefe Commission’s report is the result of several months of inquiry into…

National Archives ready to receive Dzamefe Report

The Public Records and Archives Department says its dust coated shelves are ready to welcome Justice Dzamafe’s report as soon as “the president has had a few more photo opportunities with the long overdue World Cup report.” An assessment by the national archives concluded that the Dzamefe Committee report is worthy of a permanent place in…

Wanted: FA with no long term vision seeks a football manager

Are you a football manager with no prospect of securing a job in any top flight league? Will you happily work with a football association that has no long term vision? Can you deal with over 25 million highly opinionated fans who are always ready to offer unsolicited advice on anything from team selection to…

Ghanaian youth invents special tissue for crocodile tears; receives support from YES initiative

A young Ghanaian entrepreneur has invented a special tissue paper that cleans crocodile tears better than any other tissue paper or cotton handkerchief currently on the market. Fibs Soakaway, the young entrepreneur revealed, was created after the World Cup Commission of Inquiry witnessed yet another teary session when Honourable Kojo Adu-Asare appeared before the commission.…

Elvis lands Nollywood movie deal after spectacular weeping act at inquiry

An unnamed Nigerian movie producer has reportedly offered Ghana’s former Youth and Sports Minister, a multimillion dollar acting role after Elvis Afriyie Ankrah put up an Oscar-winning display at the World Cup Commission of Inquiry. The Nigerian producer was won over by Elvis’s incredible ability to swiftly switch from the role of a composed confident minister…

Reporters troop to Ghana after asylum seekers in Brazil claim to be ‘fleeing violent conflict’

Dozens of international news reporters have trooped to the West African nation of Ghana after hundreds of Ghanaian football fans who entered Brazil as tourists to watch the World Cup matches asked for asylum, claiming to be “fleeing violent conflicts” between different religious groups in Ghana. The claims of a violent sectarian conflict in Ghana…

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