‘An elephant kebab a day keeps the doctor away’- claims birthday boy Mugabe

The 91 year old ruler of Zimbabwe has revealed the secret to his good health despite the physical toll of ruining running one of the most resource-rich nations on earth.

According to president Robert Mugabe who marked his birthday on February 21 and is scheduled to have an extravagant birthday bash this Saturday, “an elephant kebab a day keeps the doctor away.”  In a special birthday interview, he attributed his good health to the extreme health benefits of elephant meat, contrasting himself with other world leaders who appear to have aged “very quickly” after only a few years in office. “Thanks to the elephant kebabs, I have been in office for over three decades and I still look better than most of these young boys who have been in office for merely 8 years.”

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Elephants, buffaloes, a lion and other wild animals with a combined worth of $120 000 will be slaughtered for Mugabe’s birthday bash on Saturday. Although elephants have been found to exhibit strong family bonds, enough to cause them to mourn when there is death, the current African Union chairman expressed his excitement about sharing his unusual delicacy with the 20 000 sycophants guests expected to attend the party.

Mugabe also revealed that his recent dramatic fall at the Harare International Airport was because he had unwittingly skipped his “daily bite of elephant meat.” The nonagenarian further stressed the benefits of his unusual delicacy, adding that “an elephant kebab keeps the doctor away and political opponents furthest away.”

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