The English are all too familiar with Luis Suarez and his prowess in front of goal, but after his two strikes tamed the Three Lions last night, the English FA thinks Suarez is so good that they want their own version of the Uruguayan.
The English FA has reportedly tasked a team of top British scientists to test whether the Uruguay and Liverpool striker can be cloned from hair follicles taken from Liverpool’s training grounds.
FA officials are confident that a Suarez is all England needs to end it’s disappointing performances at major competitions. “A Suarez in this present English squad would have lifted the trophy in Brazil. It’s a bit too late now, but England fans can expect to see their own version of the striker in the future,” said one official.
This audacious plan will tie in nicely with FA chairman, Greg Dyke’s plans to increase home grown English players in the Premier League. “This has given a practical meaning to the chairman’s call for home grown players. Soon we’ll have players with the flair of a Brazilian, the precision of an Italian and the efficiency of a German. The exciting bit is, they’ll all be made in England, true English home grown players,” another FA official revealed.
“These are exciting times in football, we can have any type of player we wish. Even if we wanted a player who will head-butt his own team mate for losing possession, all we have to do is to clone Cameroon’s Benoit Assou-Ekotto,” he added.