Ghana and Germany agree to boot out Portugal and US to form G2

It is true when they say what goes around comes around. After freezing Russia out of the G8, the United States is about to suffer similar treatment at the hands of Ghana and Germany.

A statement released this morning revealed that the Ghanaian leader John Mahama and his German counterpart, Angela Merkel have reached an agreement to boot Portugal and the United States out of Group G to form an elite group, G2. The two leaders, who met this morning at an undisclosed location, have decided to suspend United State’s membership in Group G as punishment for the attempted annexation of football, a game that lies on the fringes of the American sports map. Portugal has also been eliminated from this elite group for their general poor performance.

“International football law prohibits any nation which performs as poorly as Portugal from progressing to the knock out stages of any competition. The law also prohibits any nation which calls the beautiful game of football by an entirely different name from progressing to the knock out stages of this particular World Cup,” the statement said. “To call our beautiful game of football, by a strange name like ‘soccer,’ violates the principles upon which the international football system is built. We strongly condemn the United States’s illegal attempt to annex football, a game they choose to call soccer,  in contravention of international football law.”

The G2 will confirm the elimination of Portugal and the US on Thursday in Brazil. Analysts are expecting the Portuguese to readily accept their fate but the US may put up a reasonable amount of resistance. The Germans have however vowed to employ every weapon in their arsenal to ensure that the will of the G2 is enforced.

The statement also said that the United State’s actions in the world of football were inconsistent with the shared beliefs of the G2. “Not only has the US taken a unilateral decision to call football by a ridiculous name, they have gone a step further and named their national team by an equally ridiculous name, USMT. This sort of behaviour cannot be tolerated in international football, we have therefore decided to kick the US out of Group G.”

The US Secretary of State, John Kerry, expressed surprise at this sudden development. He revealed that the US has always considered Germany to be one of her Klose closer allies and that Germans and Americans were like Klinsmann kinsmen.  Germany’s alliance with Ghana therefore comes as a big surprise. “It must be a G thang,” said the baffled Secretary of State.

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