Are you an African leader making a fortune off your nation’s resources while fellow country men and women continue to lack basic amenities such as good healthcare and regular supply of electricity? Are you one of Africa’s many kleptocrats looking for a safe haven for their loot- away from opponents and accessible if you are ousted from power? Are you a friend or family member of one of these kleptocrats wishing to stash your fortune away from the prying eyes of local journalists? There is good news for you!
Banking giant HSBC has introduced a new super-secret offshore account specially tailored to the needs of Africa’s kleptocrats and their friends and family.
According to a source at HSBC’s Swiss private banking arm, the Looters’ Haven Flexi Account has been introduced to inject some confidence into the bank’s Swiss operations after leaked documents exposed the identities of a long list of wealthy clients many of whom are believed to be dodging taxes or laundering ill-gotten cash.
Benefits of Looters’ Haven Flexi Account
Clients will be served with the highest banking secrecy practices, with the London-based bank promising to bring to bear its long years of experience in handling secret accounts for drug cartels, arms dealers, tax evaders and fugitive diamond merchants.
As the name suggests, the Looters’ Haven Flexi Accounts is flexible in the sense that it allows clients to meet their cash needs whenever they fly to Europe to splash their fortune on designer labels or luxurious riverside apartments in London.
This account will also provide a safe and stable home for kick-backs from oil and gas deals as well as rake-offs from illegal judgement debt payments.
Interested kleptocrats and their friends and family can contact the HSBC’s Swiss private banking arm via phone: 0800-You-Loot-We-Keep-Safe