New US visa rules: Bulletproof vests required

The notoriously burdensome United States visa application process has taken a turn for the worse. In addition to the many requirements, visa applicants will now be required to provide evidence of ownership of a bulletproof vest, according to new visa rules announced by United States Embassy in Accra this morning.

“Ghanaian nationals wishing to visit, work or study for a temporary period in the United States will be required to show evidence of ownership of a fully serviceable bulletproof vest,” said an official statement.

American officials in Accra explained that the new rules, which will apply to every dark skin individual wishing to travel to the US, have been introduced to give “visiting blacks” a chance of surviving routine attacks from “cowboy police officers” who are quick to murder in the name of the law. “In US, it is common for police officers to shoot, strangle and beat up young black men for being black. With these vests, we hope a good number of visitors will be able to survive the police shootings.”

They advised “visiting blacks” to wear the vests at all time during their stay in the US but also warned that “the bulletproof vests will not be able to protect them from the “chokeholds occasionally meted out by cowboy police officers.”

The officials explained that holders of Ghanaian diplomatic passports will also be expected to adhere to these new rules. “Your diplomatic passport means nothing to obi manso police,” stressed one American official.

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