As voting and counting of ballot papers draw to a close, politicians in Nigeria have begun preparations to begin breaking their campaign promises once a again.
Information from the Democratic People’s Party (DPD) and All Progressives Congress (APC) say the respective presidential candidates are ready to go ahead with the routine process of breaking campaign promises once a winner has been declared. “After baiting voters with bags of rice and promises of a better life, it’s now time to completely ignore them and resume the all-important duty of filling our pockets with national funds,” said one insider.
Another said it had been months of hell, crisscrossing the length and breadth of Africa’s most populous nation, “trying to buy votes with empty promises and packets of gari,sugar and groundnut.” He however assured the Nigerian public that, with voting complete, politicians “will no longer be in their faces.”
He further assured Nigerians that they will be conveniently ignored for the next 3 years until “we [politicians] invade their streets and airwaves once again; with bigger bags of rice and even more bizarre promises which will be broken right after the polls.”