Pastor Commands Manchester Utd To Rise

A minster of the gospel has commanded Manchester United Football Club to rise up the league table.

Leading worshippers at Monday night’s service, the founder and CEO of Holy Gospel Anointed Mountain Of Abundant Faith and Blessings International Believers Ministries, Reverend Archbishop Major General Dr. Judas cried for divine intervention to save the club from slipping further down the table.

“I hold up Manchester United with prayer and we ask that our beloved club be restored to the top where it belongs. I declare our club will not fall any further. Yes our club! We may not be shareholders or follow the team around on their travels but it’s still our club! So I command Manchester United our dear club to climb, climb above Everton, Spurs and Liverpool- Suarez should not play in the Champions League. He dives, he eats human flesh and he has broken too many Ghanaian hearts. So please punish him and the team he plays for!”

The Red Devils under David Moyes has had a terrible start to the season succumbing to their eighth league defeat against Stoke City on Saturday afternoon. This defeat has left their title challenge in complete disarray. Their season has also been tainted with unwanted milestones, with West Bromwich Albion, Everton and Newcastle all ending long runs without victories of some kind against United.

Reverend Archbishop Major General Dr. Judas continued, “if the fans who actually pay good money to go to the matches will not get on their knees and pray, we the fans in far away Ghana will intercede for the team!”

“So we rebuke the spirit of defeat which Van Persie has brought with him and we command it to go back to the Emirates, where it belongs. We also rebuke the spirit of mid-table finishes that has followed Moyes here and we send it back to Goodison Park!”

“Tweeaa mid-table finish shall not be our portion! Let us with a United voice command Manchester United to rise!”

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YesiYesi Ghana  is a satire/spoof news publication . All articles contained within this blog, however similar to real events, are fictitious. When public figures are mentioned by name, the corresponding story details are invented. In all other cases, any resemblance to actual persons or events is entirely coincidental.

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