World leaders mount pressure on FIFA to replay World Cup

President Godluck Jonathan of Nigeria has convened a special meeting of world leaders to mount pressure on FIFA to replay the entire World Cup, less than 24 hours after the end of the football fiesta in Brazil.

The world leaders are worried that football-crazy citizens who have been unable to think or talk about anything else in the last 4 weeks will now turn their attention back to domestic crisis. The 2 day meeting is being held in Abuja and it is under the theme: ‘Religion is no more the opium of the people, football is.’

President Goodluck Jonathan is one of several world leaders who would like to see FIFA extend the World Cup from 4 weeks to 10 weeks. “The past 4 weeks has been blissful. The world almost forgot about my shambolic handling of the kidnapped school girls. It felt good to check Twitter and see #WorldCup #Ghana3Million and #Suarez trending. But 4 weeks has flown by too quickly and now I fear my name together with #BringBackOurGirls will start trending again,” lamented a worried president.

President Barack Obama of the US and UK’s David Cameron, who were both present at the gathering expressed similar sentiments. Obama was terrified at the thought of the gun controls issue slipping back into the headlines while his British counterpart admitted he had lost sleep over fears of football-crazy Brits switching their attention from the games in Brazil to the shameful stories of child abuse involving judges, peers, MPs and a host of other prominent public figures.

The leader of Ghana, Nigeria’s close ally, was conspicuously missing from the meeting. Sources close to the Ghanaian president revealed that he is happy to see the end of the football tournament. “Unlike the other leaders, president Mahama has not been able to avoid the headlines during the the World Cup. From the $3 million cash scandal to the general incompetence of his appointees at the Ministry of Sports, the Ghanaian leader could not hide behind the World Cup fever,” said one of our sources.

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