The National Rifle Association has reacted to the latest mass shooting in the United States with claims that “the American Dream now consists entirely of owning big military-style assault weapons and the freedom to slaughter your neighbours whenever you feel like it.”
A spokesman from the NRA Mr. Sam Trigahappy explained that the American dream “is the dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone by making guns available on supermarket shelves and giving everyone, regardless of their social class, the opportunity to have a fair shot at
life their neighbours with whatever assault weapon they can lay their hands on.”
With the US averaging 36 gun-related deaths per day in the past year, Mr. Trigahappy said “the concept of the American Dream, which has been closely identified with home ownership and upward social mobility, has been replaced by gun ownership and the freedom to massacre fellow citizens.”
The newest definition of the American Dream comes only days after an American citizen gunned down 49 fellow Americans in a nightclub in Orlando, Florida.
Mr. Trigahappy said he was particularly proud to live in an America where your God-given right to shoot and be shot by fellow citizens is held in the highest esteem. “In 2015, there were 59 recorded cases of toddlers shooting someone. Even toddlers aren’t denied their inalienable right! God bless America!”